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Charlotte Mason in Modern English
Charlotte Mason's ideas are too important not to be understood and implemented in the 21st century, but her Victorian style of writing sometimes prevents parents from attempting to read her books. This is an imperfect attempt to make Charlotte's words accessible to modern parents. You may read these, print them out, share them freely--but they are copyrighted to me, so please don't post or publish them without asking.
~L. N. Laurio
pg 10
Chapter 2 - Parents As Rulers
The
Family Government is an Absolute Monarchy
Let's continue our illustration of the family as a miniature nation
that has the same responsibilities, rights and requirements that
nations have. The parents are like the 'government,' but the parental
government is always an absolute monarchy. It makes adjustments
according to the needs of its citizens, but it rules in accordance to
whatever laws the parent has engraved on his own conscience. Some
parents reach levels of higher thinking and are like Moses when he came
down from Mt. Sinai beaming, with the tablets of The Law whole and
complete in his hands. Other parents never reach those challenging
heights and have to be satisfied with whatever scraps and fragments of
broken tablet they can find lying at the bottom of the mountain. But
whether a parent's knowledge of the law is thorough or only a fragment,
he
can't escape his responsibility to rule his household.
The
Parent's Rule Can't Be Delegated
The first thing we want to know about any ruler is, 'Is he capable of
ruling? Does he know how to maintain his authority?' A ruler who can't
rule is like a biased judge, or an immoral priest, or an uneducated
teacher. He's incapable of the most essential attribute of his role.
It's even more true in a family than in a State government.
pg 11
A king can delegate the rule of his country to someone else. But a
parent's functions are so urgent that he can't delegate the job to
anyone else. He can have helpers, but the minute he abdicates his rule
and gives over his functions and authority to someone else, the rights
of parenthood pass to that other person and no longer belong to the
parent. British parents in India have felt the heartache of coming home
to England only to find that their children's affections belong to
someone else and their duty is owed to someone else, while they, the
parents, are relegated to the role of a fairy godmother who can have
fun with the children, but has no authority over them at all. And this
isn't anyone's fault, because the guardians who have kept the children
at home have done their best to keep the children loyal to their
parents while they were away overseas.
Reasons
Why Some Parents Abdicate
This is an example of one obstacle that the head of the family can
stumble over. Parents sometimes think that parental authority is built
into them, a trait that might lie dormant inside of them, but that can
never be separated from parenthood. Such parents think it's okay to
let their children do whatever they want from the time they're babies,
but then they find themselves complaining along with King Lear,
'It's more painful than a snake's bite
To have an ungrateful child!'
But it was King Lear's own fault. All along, he had been stripping off
the honor and authority that should have been his, and handing his
rights as parent over to his children. This quote tells us why he had
been doing this: his disappointment is in his children's
ungratefulness. His goal and what he had been working for had been the
thanks of his children. His desire for them to think of him as an
affectionate father was more important to him than his duty towards
them. And in proportion to how much he neglected his duty towards them,
they
pg 12
were oblivious of their duty towards him. I suspect that parents'
unrestrained desire for approval is to blame for more ruined families
than any other single cause. One current author has a mother saying,
'But aren't you afraid of me, Bessie?'
'No, of course not. Who could be afraid of a dear, sweet, kind little
mother like you?'
That kind of praise is sweet to many affectionate mothers who yearn for
the love and approval of their children. But they don't recognize that
words like these from their children are as treacherous as words of
outright defiance.
Popularity isn't the only shrine where parents sacrifice their
authority. Prospero [The Tempest]
describes himself as,
'Wholly dedicated
To studying and improving my mind.'
Meanwhile, his authority over his dominion is given over to Antonio. Is
it any wonder that Antonio found that having authority fit him like a
glove, and that Prospero found himself usurped from the role he failed
to fill? In the same way, many busy parents who are preoccupied with
many cares suddenly find that the authority they failed to hang onto
has slipped from their hands. That authority may have been picked up by
someone less fit to wield it. Perhaps a daughter has been given over to
the care of a neighbor family because her own parents are always out
looking for rare art prints.
In other cases, the desire for an easy life tempts parents to let
things slide. Their children are good kids and won't go too far wrong,
we're told. That may be true. But, no matter how good the children are,
the parents have an obligation to society to make them better than they
are, and to bless the world with people who are more than good-natured
and agreeable. Their children should be raised to have a determined
purpose, and perseverance to meet that purpose.
pg 13
The love of convenience, the desire for popularity, preoccupation with
other work--these are just some of the causes that lead to parental
abdication, which is disastrous for society. When we understand the
nature of parental authority and how it's used, we view parental
abdication as more than mischievous. It's also immoral. And I'd like to
add that all the reasons why parents abdicate their role as leader of
the family really boil down to one underlying cause: the job is
overwhelmingly hard and too much trouble to bother with. The temptation
of parents to neglect their duty is the same one that tempts kings to
escape from their duty by becoming monks.
'The head that wears the crown rests uneasily,'
even when the crown is the natural crown of parenthood.
The
Majesty of Parenthood
Paul's advice that rulers should rule 'with diligence' [Rom 12:8] helps to shed light on
the nature and goal of authority. Authority isn't an issue of personal
honor and dignity. Authority is something to use and serve with. The
honor that
goes with it is only to help those in authority to serve better. An
arbitrary or severe parent who demands compliance and duties 'because I
said so' for his own honor and glory, is even more hopelessly wrong
than the parent who abdicates his role. The majesty of parents is
hedged in with obedience only because it's good for children to
'faithfully serve, honor, and humbly obey' the leaders God has placed
them under. Only family life can properly train children to have the
noble character of 'proud submission and dignified obedience.' If their
own parents don't inspire and cultivate obedience, reverence and
loyalty, how will these glorious graces of character survive in a
harsh, competitive world?
pg 14
It can be a challenge to keep an attitude of authority these days when
democracy is such a dominant concept and when even educational advice
says that children should be treated as equals from infancy. But the
children themselves confirm that authority is fine for parents.
Children naturally have a sweet humility and dependence on us, and it
fosters a gentle dignity and trace of reserve in parents that is very
agreeable. Parents don't have the option of laying aside the burden of
honor that rests upon them, or sinking under it. All of us have
witnessed families full of confidence, sympathy and love where the
mother is like a queen among her children and the father is honored
like a king. When there are two parents who honor each other and are
still free and relaxed with each other, it's easier for them to
maintain the elusive state of parenthood. The first element in raising
children who are loyal, honorable, reverent and able to command respect
is to have a slight, undefined sweet sense of dignity in the household.
Children
are a Public Trust and a Divine Trust
Parental authority rests on the fact that the parent's role is that of
a deputy, in two ways. First of all, God, the Ruler of all of us, has
personally appointed parents as His immediate deputies. Not only are
they
required to fulfill His duties towards the children, but they have to
represent Him. To a little child, his parents rule over him like gods.
And, even more seriously, in a little child's eyes, God is like his parents. He's not
capable of conceiving a greater and more wonderful personality than
that of his own parents. Thus, his first approach to the infinite God
is through them. They are
pg 15
his standard for the best and highest. If the standard by which he
measures God is as small as weak as his own small self, how will he
ever have the
reverent attitude that he needs to grow spiritually?
Besides that, parents hold their children in trust for society. A child
is only 'my own' in a limited sense. Children are entrusted to parents
to be raised for the good of their community. In this sense, parents
are the ones who have been given the authority that's needed for
carrying out
their job. If they fail, they can be replaced. The one State [Sparta?] whose name is no more than
a proverb that encompasses a group of virtues that we have no other
word to describe, is also a State that practically deprived parents of
their right to parent because they failed to raise their children with
the virtues that were good for the society. Naturally, the State
reserves the right to raise its children in the way it deems best with
the least possible co-operation of parents. In our own day, a
neighboring nation [Germany?]
has decided to take charge or rearing its infants itself. As soon as
they can crawl, or even earlier, but well before they can run or speak,
they're brought to a 'Maternal School' and nurtured to have the values
that a good citizen should have, as carefully as if they were being fed
on
mother's milk. The plan is still in experimental stages, but I have no
doubt that it will be followed through because this nation discovered
long ago that, if you want a certain kind of adult, you have to train
the child to be that kind of person, and that nation has acted
consistently
on that discovery.
Perhaps the State taking over the parental role is the last disaster
that can happen to a nation. These poor children will have to grow up
in a world where even the name of God isn't allowed to be heard.
They'll never know
pg 16
about the loyalty to parents, brotherly love, and kindness to neighbors
that all children learn from living in families, except for a very few
unnatural families. After a certain age, or at certain hours, these
children might be allowed to visit their parents. But once the
alienation from their parents has been established, and the strongest,
sweetest bond has been broken and the parents have been publicly
absolved of their duty, the destruction of the home is complete. What
we'll be seeing is a generation who have grown up like orphans from
their birth. This is unprecedented in the history of the world. Even
Lycurgus left children with their parents for their first six years.
Some newspapers applaud this nation's plan and advice us to follow
their example in England, but God forbid that we should ever lose faith
in the value and blessing of family life. Parents who recognize that
their children are both a public trust and a divine trust, and who
understand that their authority is deputed authority that shouldn't be
treated lightly, laid aside or abused--such parents keep the home
immune for the nation, and safeguard the privileges of their role as
parents.
The
Limitations and Scope of Parental Authority
Now that we recognize that it isn't the parent's decision whether to
use or set aside the authority they hold, let's look at the limits and
extent of this authority. First of all, this authority is to be
asserted and used only in the best interests of the children, whether
it's to benefit their mind, their body or their situation. And this is
where there's leeway for the individual discrimination and delicate
intuitions that parents are blessed with. A mother who makes her
adolescent daughter get the exercise she needs outside is acting within
the limits of her rights. But a reserved father who enjoys quiet
evenings and discourages his children from social activities, is only
thinking of his own
pg 17
preferences rather than the needs of his children. That's an invalid
use of
his authority.
As I said, the authority of parents only rests on a secure foundation
as long as their children understand that their parents' authority has
been
delegated to them. A child who knows that he's being brought up to
serve his country, and that his parents are fulfilling a Divine role
that they were commissioned to discharge, won't turn into a rebellious
teen.
Even more, although the child's independent emancipation is a gradual
process as they learn the art and science of self-management day by
day, there will come a day when the parents' right to rule is over. The
only thing left for them to do will be to pass on the reins gracefully
and leave their grown sons and daughters as free agents--even if they
still live at home, even if their parents don't think they're fit to be
trusted with their own self-management. If they fail to manage
themselves with self-control regarding how they spend their time, what
they do, their money, who they choose as friends, then it's most likely
their parents' fault for not gradually introducing them to the full
liberty that's their right as men and women. At any rate, by then it's
too late to make them stick around for more training. Ready or not,
it's time for them to take control of the reins of their lives for
themselves.
As far as how to use authority, the best
pg 18
way seems to be the art of ruling without seeming like you're ruling.
The law inspires dread in evil-doers, but it's for the praise of those
who do well. In families, just like in States, the best government is
one where peace, happiness, truth, justice, religion and purity are
maintained without having to invoke the law. A household is happy if it
has only a few rules, and where a simple, 'Mom doesn't like this,' or
'Dad wants us to do that,' are all it takes.
Paraphrased by L. N. Laurio
Please direct any comments or questions to me by emailing me at cmseries-owner at yahoogroups dot com.
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