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Charlotte Mason in Modern English
Charlotte Mason's ideas are too important not to be understood and implemented in the 21st century, but her Victorian style of writing sometimes prevents parents from attempting to read her books. This is an imperfect attempt to make Charlotte's words accessible to modern parents. You may read these, print them out, share them freely--but they are copyrighted to me, so please don't post or publish them without asking.
~L. N. Laurio
pg 81
PART III - The House of Heart
Lords Of The Heart: I. Love
Chapter
1 - The Ways Of Love
The
Lords of the House of Heart
Every Mansoul is born into the world, not just with Rulers in his House
of Mind, but also Rulers in his House of Heart. Their job is to bring
him happiness. Nobody can be happy all by himself, therefore, their job
includes helping him to bring joy to others. The two Lords of the House
of Heart are Love and Justice.
Love
Like any king, Love has his own Lords in Waiting. They are sympathy,
good will,
empathy, thoughtfulness, magnanimity, thankfulness, bravery,
faithfulness, modesty, and cheerfulness. Have you ever thrown a stone
into the water and watched the circles it makes ripple outward? They
spread all the way to the shores, and affect even the land on the
farthest side. The most distant ripples become so faint that they're
barely noticeable, but the ones closest to the stone are easy to see.
That's the way our love is.
pg 82
Our home is the center, where our love begins. From there, our love
widens until it includes everyone. Nobody except Jesus ever knew how
much he could love, or how much he could do for love. But the soldier
who
risks his life where the fighting is the hardest to rescue his friend,
or the mother who tends to her sick child and wishes she could give her
own life to make him feel better, or the nurse who sacrifices her body
and soul to help sick people -- these people have a taste of how much
love there is in a human heart.
False
Loves - Self-Love
There are lots of imitation loves going around, ready to take control
of the House of Heart and usurping the rightful lord. We know what it's
like to be demanding, selfish, and jealous with the people we love
most, even our own mothers, and call it love. And it is love, but it's
Self-love, the crudest, lowest kind of love there is. Yet it has its
place and is necessary and proper to make sure we take care of our own
lives, things and interests. If we didn't have Self-love, we'd become a
burden and a bother to others. But too much isn't good. A person who
only loves himself and thinks only (or mostly) of his own interests,
pleasures and gain is called a selfish person. His mind is so
preoccupied with his own feelings and matters that he doesn't have time
to think about anyone else. He doesn't give much love, and he doesn't
deserve to get much in return. But, sad to say, there's often a mother,
sister, wife or a friend who showers great love on him, and endures a
lot of hurt because of him. It's comforting to know that, in these
cases, it's the one who loves who's happier, not
pg 83
the one who receives love and gives no love back. The person who loves,
lives in the kingdom of God every day, but the person on the receiving
end doesn't. One kind of selfishness isn't as easy to spot as the
person
who only thinks about his own fun and comfort. It's the person who
selfishly makes demands all the time on those who love him. He wants
their time, their thoughts, all of their attention, and always insists
that they be with him. If he doesn't get the attention and affection he
demands, then he gets irritable, offended and jealous. He imagines that
he acts this way because he loves his friend so much. But the truth is,
he loves himself so much that nobody, whether it be his mother or a
friend, can meet his standard for the love and consideration that he
thinks he deserves.
Philandering
Another false love likes to kiss and hug and touch and always be with
the person he loves at the moment. Kissing and hugging are appropriate
ways to express true love in the right time and place, but they don't
constitute love by themselves. They aren't even always necessary in
love. But some people spend their whole lives philandering, first in
love with one person, then another. They're really indulging their
lust, not real love. Lust can't survive on the signs of real love.
Love is a pearl of great price hidden within every heart. But, since so
many people pass off counterfeits to themselves and their friends, it's
a good idea to learn to recognize real love when we see it, or when we
think we feel it.
Real
Love Delights in the Other Person's Goodness
Love delights in the person it loves. It's natural for humans to
delight in what's good. The
pg 84
hearts of even the most savage and degraded people have been won over
this way. They've watched lives of goodness, unselfishness and beauty
lived in front of them day in and day out, and those lives have drawn
them because it's part of their nature to be drawn to goodness.
Finally, they've given the love and reverence in their own hearts to
the person whose goodness brought them so much joy. It isn't just that
the person was good to them. In some cases, they never had a personal
word or even a look. But someone was watching them, thinking, and
finally loved them back. Maybe some day we'll know the full stories of
all of the heroic soldiers and missionaries, the saints, who did
good things simply because they themselves were good. Right now, we
only know about a few--St. Francis of Assisi, Elizabeth Fry, General
Charles George Gordon. Any time we hear that someone has been
raised from a degraded life to civility, whether they're from a
civilized country or a third-world country, we can be sure that it's
because they saw somebody living a holy life in front of them. More
than
anything else, Love delights in the goodness of the person it loves. It
would never for any price make its beloved be less loving to everyone,
less dutiful, or less useful in service to others. Influencing his
friend to do something unworthy would seem to Love like burning his
house down around his head.
Love
Seeks the Happiness of his Friend
Love always wants the one he loves to be happy. He would never make his
friend uneasy by being annoyed, sullen, jealous or distrustful.
Love
Seeks to Be Worthy
Love tries to be worthy of the person he loves. In the same way that
his friend's goodness brings him joy, he himself will try to be a
better person to make his friend happy.
Love
Wants to Serve
Again, Love wants to
pg 85
give and serve. The specific gifts and service will depend on the age
and position of the friends. A child's gift might be obedience. A
parent's gift might be a wise rebuke. In both cases, Love makes it a
priority to offer service. The Apostle says, 'Don't love in word or
tongue, but in deeds and truth. That might be phrased, 'Don't be
content to merely express love in words or hugs, but show your love by
serving and trusting.' Any Love that doesn't trust is either misplaced,
or unworthy. There are other signs of love, but these signs are evident
in all true love, whether it's between a parent and child, two friends,
married lovers, or those who work to ease the suffering of the degraded
and distressed, and those they help. Notice the word 'degraded.' It
means literally, 'to step down.' It's really a hopeful word because, if
it's possible to step down, then it's possible to step back up again,
too. Every heart has all the great possibilities of Love. To touch that
potential in another heart, one has to give Love from their own heart.
Animosity
But in every Mansoul, both ours and everyone else's, there are opposing
possibilities. We're calling those opposing qualities demons of the possibility. We're
all capable of being warm and friendly, and liking and loving other
people. We're all also capable of being distant, hostile, disliking and
even hating others. Why? There's a hint in the old joke from Punch magazine: 'He's a stranger,
let's throw a brick at him!' We often dislike people because we don't
know them. The best way to get over that is to think about the person
and try to imagine things from their point of view. If we do that,
we'll find things about that person to kindle friendly feelings in us.
It's unusual to feel real hatred, and it's usually
pg 86
caused from feeling resentful about being hurt. We need to try to
remember that there's one part of The Lord's Prayer that's conditional:
'Forgive us our trespasses, as we
forgive them that trespass against us.' There's nothing in our
strength that lets us forgive. It's only when we're in the love and
presence of God that we can forgive past hurts. When we forgive
someone, that's a way of showing love.
Before we consider the specific ways that love is manifested, let's
think about Love's wonderful Lords in Waiting.
pg 87
Chapter
2 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Pity
Heroes
of Pity
Have you ever seen a baby pat his caregiver's face to make her feel
better, or hug his kitten and say, 'Poor kitty!' after stepping on its
tail? That's because there's a little wellspring of Pity in every
baby's heart. That doesn't mean that the baby won't pull the kitty's
tail to see what happens--but that's only because he's curious and
wants to know. If you can make him understand that it hurts the kitty,
he'll be sad and say, 'Poor kitty!' A little girl might come home and
cry in her room because she saw a strange dog being beaten. Pity wells
up from her heart into her eyes, and makes tears. I know a little girl
who could never bear to listen to the story of Joseph in the pit.
Sometimes little boys are too dignified to cry, but they might run from
the room during a tragic story, or a sad sight, because they're afraid
they might feel like crying if they stayed. When people get older, they
often have too much self-control to cry. But even if they don't
actually cry, when they see someone suffering or something sad, they
still feel a pain in their hearts. That's the pain of Pity. Pity's job
seems to be to inspire us to help people who are suffering. Many
tender-hearted people have been so filled with Pity that they've given
up their lives to comfort and help the people who are suffering. You
may have heard of one Hero of Sympathy named
pg 88
Father Damien,
who gave up everything in his comfortable life so that he could help
and comfort the suffering lepers on the island of Molokai in Hawaii. Or
E. J. Peck,
the 'loneliest man in Queen Victoria's dominion.' He left his family to
share the love of God with the Innuit people of Alaska. If we think
long and hard about any suffering people, until their suffering feels
real to us, we'll have a sick pain in our hearts until we can find a
way to ease their pain. The thousands and thousands of noble martyrs
gave up everything they had in life to serve suffering people because
they took thought of them until they had to do something. Sometimes one
of these noble Heroes of Pity will work and care all day and night to
care for just one suffering person. Sometimes their heart will be
filled with the suffering of many poor people. Sometimes the
person who needs a great act of service will be a stranger. Sometimes
it will be our own father or mother, or sister, or perhaps our own
child. There are
many, many people suffering in this happy yet tragic world. But, thanks
to God, there are also many people who feel Pity enough to help.
Idle
Sympathy
I said that Pity's job is to inspire us to help. But there are some
people who enjoy the luxury of feeling sympathy without ever being
bothered to do anything about it. They say, 'That's so sad!' and might
even shed a tear or two when they hear the sad news, but they won't
lift a finger to do a thing to help the suffering person. In fact, such
a person generally prefers to feel sympathy for imaginary people who
don't need any help. They enjoy crying over a tragic book or movie.
These people are rather pleased with themselves because they think they
have sensitive hearts. But their tears are like springs in limestone
that coat everything soft
pg 89
with stone. Every inclination to feel sympathy that doesn't result in
some kind of action to help will add to forming a heart of stone. The
most difficult people to convince to help are the ones who allow
themselves the luxury of empty sympathy.
Self-Pity
There's another kind of people who have a strong, active inclination to
Pity, but their sympathy is all given to one thing. No sorrow or pain
or concern outside of that one object can move them. These are the
people who feel sorry for themselves. Anything that happens to them is
enough reason for them to be filled with self-pity. They feel sorry for
themselves because their tooth hurts, or because they don't have blond
hair, or because they're not pretty enough to be noticed, or because
they're tall and clumsy, or because they always have to get up too
early, or because breakfast isn't just what they wanted, or because
their sibling gets something they don't, or because someone they admire
doesn't notice them or says something like 'Hurry up,' or 'sit up
straight,' or something else they don't like. They feel like these
things are unbearable, and the poor pitiful person goes around all day
with a long face. As they get older, they complain about all kinds of
friends who offended them, neglected them, or misunderstood them. A
person who feels sorry for himself thinks that 'nobody understands'
them. Even if they're reasonably healthy, they may become a
hypochondriac who has a pain here, or a feeling there, and they
complain about every detail to the doctor constantly. The doctor might
have sympathy for this unhappy patient. He knows that the real problem
is more serious than the person even imagines. It's Self-Pity, and he
has no medicine for that, although he might prescribe bottles of water
or placebo pills to humor the person. You might feel like laughing at
pg 90
such a sad state of mind, but the Demon of Self-Pity is actually a
dangerous enemy. Self-Pity has made many people, even some who seem so
strong and good, waste their whole lives brooding over some imagined or
magnified distress. No resident in the House of Heart has alienated
more friends or done more to steal the joys of life.
How
We Can Defend Ourselves
Our defense is two-fold. First, we should never let ourselves dwell on
something that hurts or is uncomfortable. When we're sick or have a
pain, it's up to us to keep our minds well and joyful. There are some
people who are suffering a lot, but they can still be cheerful and
comforting enough to be the mainstay of their home. We have to be even
more careful not to let our minds revisit any incident that offended
us, whether it was intended or not. We can't even let ourselves think
about it for an instant. A minor little thing can be blown out of
proportion in our minds so much, that, like a dime held up so that it
blots out the sun, we can't see our friend's love and kindness. It can
blot out entire happiness, and shut us up in a cold, dark prison of
oppressive discontent. If we never allow ourselves to reflect on minor
annoyances, we'll be able to handle big ones gracefully. If we don't
dwell on small pains, our great pains will be easier to endure.
The other way to defend ourselves against idle pity is even more
effective. We can spend our time thinking of others. We can be quick to
notice their needs and sufferings, and be ready to help. It's
impossible for our minds to be absorbed with two things at the same
time. If our thoughts are busy considering others, both near and far
away, in our own family or in another country, then we won't have the
time or inclination to feel sorry for ourselves.
pg 91
Chapter
3 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Goodwill
'Change
the World, or Accept It'
Normally, people talk about benevolence as if it means nothing more
than giving money or help to needy people. But it's possible to give a
lot of help without being benevolent, and it's also possible to be
benevolent without giving a lot of financial help. Benevolence means
having Goodwill towards everyone. The wise emperor Marcus Aurelius
described the lowest form of Goodwill: 'Men were born to serve one
another. So, either change the world, or accept it.' The very least we
can do for the world is to accept it. 'The
world' means people,
including people we like. But Goodwill lets us accept the people
who annoy us, and even to sincerely like them. There's probably nobody
that we couldn't like if we knew everything about him, because all
people are born with the same good qualities of the Heart and Mind that
we've been talking about, some more, some less. Although the best part
of a person's real nature might be buried inside him like a diamond
buried under a pile of garbage, it's never too late to clean away the
trash and recover the diamond. Even a depraved criminal might have a
wife who loves him. She
pg 92
doesn't love his depravity, but she can see the possibilities for good
and beauty within him.
A
Person is More Than His Faults
People who have Goodwill understand that glaring faults and
annoying habits don't make up the real person any more than sun spots
make up the sun itself. Therefore, it's not difficult to put up with
his faults. Even better, he tries to correct his faults while at the
same time, giving the same genuine affection or love to the person as
if he didn't have those faults. That's the kind of Goodwill that
parents have for their children, and that brothers and sisters have for
each other, that friends owe to friends, neighbors to neighbors--and,
as the circle widens, we all ought to have for all the people we come
in contact with, and everyone whose work and ways we come across.
Goodwill doesn't call a builder rude names when his door won't shut
right, or his window won't open. He understands that the builder is
probably well-intentioned deep down, but isn't accustomed to making the
most of himself. So he's satisfied to do slipshod work. The gaping door
and the window that won't budge inspire Goodwill to raise the level of
people in general so that other builders will aim higher and turn out
better work.
Goodwill
Stays Busy
Goodwill is no sloth! He can patiently put up with things done
incorrectly, and bad manners that he doesn't like. But he can't
possibly
leave people alone who do the wrong thing. He cares too much about them
to see them ruin themselves with one fault or another. He can't watch
people grow up in ignorance, and can't tolerate sickness or suffering
or loneliness anywhere in
pg 93
the world. So his hands and heart are always busy with some kind of
helpful work.
As you can see, Goodwill does many things, but wherever he looks, his
expression is the same. Goodwill is always gracious, sincere, pleasant,
and approachable. He genuinely likes all people--grown-ups, children,
male or female. He's inexhaustible, too. With so many friends with so
many needs, there's always something for him to do. But he enjoys
everything he does, so it's not hard for him to smile as he goes along.
Goodwill's
Enemies
What a wonderful place the world would be if the wellspring of Goodwill
was free to spring up unhindered in every human heart! But a whole
league of Demons hinder every movement that Goodwill makes. There's the
tendency to be too particular and offended by anything that's
different than what we're used to. Hypersensitivity is always looking
for any reason to resent offenses and insults, no matter how minor or
how unintentional. Faultfinder is always nearby, ready to disapprove
and blame without attempting to help correct the fault.
Selfishness is ready to fill up the whole heart so that not even a
corner is left to be concerned for others. Laziness is there to replace
Goodwill with easy, agreeable Good Nature, who is happy with
everything, as long as he doesn't have to take the trouble to do
anything. Tolerance is just as easy and agreeable with opinions as Good
Nature is with actions. To tolerate, or put up with, the principles and
opinions that guide people's very lives is not Goodwill, it's
Indifference. Real Goodwill is unbiased and fair-minded to other
people's thoughts, not indifferent.
pg 94
The
Peace of Goodwill
Goodwill does so many things that we can only take time to mention a
few of them. But it's good to understand that it means, at the very
least, active Goodwill towards everyone. When we realize this, the
angels' message of 'Peace on earth
and Goodwill towards men of Goodwill' will mean more to us.
pg 95
Chapter
4 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Sympathy
Sympathy is a Lord of the Heart who gets a bad rap. People think that
he's sentimental and that he goes around wiping people's tears and
soothing their distresses. They think that's all he does. But sympathy
has deep understanding. He has great joy, even though he sometimes has
great sadness. Understanding another human being so completely that you
can feel what he's feeling and think what he's thinking is like taking
possession of a whole new world! It's like being able to live the life
of
another person. It's as if the heart expanded and you could understand
what it must feel like to have as much full comprehension as God's
angels.
Every once in a while, we find almost perfect sympathy with another
person, and we let ourselves become exclusive. We know that one person,
but nobody else. But that makes the gift of sympathy, which should be
used for the good of others, something selfish. Every trait we discover
and come to understand in a person should be used as a key to
understand the same trait in others. If we discover that our words have
the power to hurt that person, or a look can wound them, then we should
use that knowledge to spur us to be kind and careful in the way we deal
with other people. We never know
pg 96
how much power our words or actions have to hurt others. Can you think
of even one person whose heart is touched by a noble thought, or whose
eyes mist over when they hear about some act of heroism? That should
prove that those kinds of things have the power to move the human
heart. And our response should be to give freely from the best of
ourselves that we have to offer. We shouldn't entertain the notion that
such-and-such a person wouldn't understand. If music or poetry or art
gives us joy, then we shouldn't hesitate to share those things with
others. After all, people are made pretty much alike, although their
experiences in life are different. A speaker who understands how
Empathy works will speak in a way that appeals to the generosity,
delicacy, courage, and loyalty of the whole crowd, even though they're
all
different sorts of people. And he does touch their hearts. His own
Empathy and understanding has recognized that something noble and good
dwells within the heart of each person, no matter how unlikely the
crowd may look. And his speech works like a magic key that unlocks the
tree imprisoning the spirit Ariel, and the beautiful part of the human
spirit rises up from the prison deep within the heart.
Raising
the Bar
Empathy is like an eye that really notices others, or like
encouragement that elevates, or
like a strong, sustaining arm to lean on and keep a person from
falling. The great
thinkers (poets and artists) and doers (heroes) have done a wonderful
thing for their world. They have put out feelers to find and draw out
our Empathy. We sometimes say that a picture or poem or heroic deed
'finds us.' We find ourselves thinking the same thought, or reliving
that heroic act, and we feel strengthened and inspired. We owe the same
kind of Empathy to every human being, whether far or near. If we have
anything noble and good within us, let's offer it with the confidence
of knowing that others will respond. If we hesitate and don't give this
Empathy because we suspect that everyone around us is thinking petty,
unworthy thoughts, or doing immoral, mean things and can't do any
better, then we'll find ourselves getting what we expect. Although we
may not realize it, we end up
pg 97
giving our Empathy to what's corrupt and suspicious in others, and that
confirms and strengthens the corruption in them. And, at the same time,
we're locking ourselves into the habit of harsh, narrow thinking, and
stingy, callous living.
Virtue
Goes Out of Us
The power to see, elevate and sustain is the highest job Empathy has.
Even when it's the sadness, worry or pain of others that arouses it, we
can't forget Empathy's highest office. We need to see the disaster from
the perspective of the person suffering, and feel his pain, although
not as keenly as he feels it himself. If we don't suffer, then we have
nothing to give. The Bible says that 'virtue went out of Him' as Jesus
healed. It's only as the virtue of our honor, strength and vitality go
out of us, that we have the ability to help and heal.
Imitation
Empathy
There's an imitation kind of empathy that's common among those who
give, and those who receive. In fact, it can be used to gain
popularity. This is the kind of empathy that sees, but not deep enough.
It sees that the ego of the person suffering might be soothed in the
same way that a caregiver soothes a toddler who just bumped his head on
the table. She says, 'Naughty table!' and knocks over the table! In the
same way, a false empathizer blames the source of the suffering and
makes the person even more ineffective by offering weak pity and making
him feel sorry for himself just when he needs strength to fortify
himself. Self-pity is possibly the final blow of misfortune that can
fall on a man. It
degrades empathy to make the person suffering aware of his own pain
instead of raising him above it. That's even worse than the callousness
that tries to get the suffering person to buck up and brace himself.
It's also more dangerous - at least callousness is more easily
recognized before it can do much harm.
pg 98
Tact
Tact is almost like another word for empathy. Both words are related to
using our hearts to see things from another person's point of view.
Tact recognizes that a harsh word will be hurtful, or that a certain
gesture will offend, or that a word of sympathy will seem like prying.
Tact knows when a smile and kind look are better than words. Tact is
often learned with good upbringing, but the most genuine tact is the
expression of empathy that only comes from understanding what's going
on in another person's mind. Tact works with the other minor
parts of empathy - active interest in what others are doing and
interested in, and a readiness to provide a listening ear. An
attentive,
friendly listener can be the most needed kind of empathy. He's able to
raise and sustain the person he's listening to. Just by listening, he
can increase the self-respect of a person who's just accomplished
something, or seen something, or suffered something that he needs to
talk about. Listening is a true act of service. Every one of us, 'even
the youngest,' thinks too little of ourselves and we tend to lack the
confidence and courage to act on the possibilities inside us. A good
listener can encourage others.
Demons
Related to Empathy
We can't go into all the parts of Empathy, but we need to mention a few
of the demons that threaten it. The worst one is fatal. It's the
self-occupation that comes from Ego. When a person is focused on
himself, his rights, his needs, what he wants, his abilities, or his
lack of ability, his achievements or failures, his value or
worthlessness, then he's like a goblet that's already full. He has no
room to have Empathy for anyone else. The passive form of Ego is
Indifference. Some of its active forms are self-seeking Vanity,
Dislike, and Animosity.
pg 99
Chapter
5 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Thoughtfulness
'The best part of a good man's life
Are the little, nameless, unremembered acts
Of kindness and of love.'
--from Wordsworth
It's interesting that a great poet should put so much importance on
little acts of thoughtfulness in a good man's life. Thoughtfulness is
another Lord of the Heart. I once knew a child who wasn't even old
enough to talk yet, but was kind enough to pull up a chair and pat it
for a visitor to sit down. Even unschooled natives of third-world
countries have kind impulses of thoughtfulness.
Thoughtfulness
Makes Life Pleasant for Others
Thoughtfulness is universal. You'd think that Sympathy, Goodwill and
Empathy would cover everything. If those were all there in the heart,
then thoughtfulness should be a given. But there's a strange thing
about human nature. The best way I can describe it is inertia. It makes
even a sympatheitic, benevolent, caring person slow to do the kind of
little everyday routine things that thoughtfulness is concerned about.
Thoughtfulness's job is simply to make everyday life more pleasant and
comfortable for others, even when those others are only the pets that
we
feed and care for, or our dog
pg 100
who likes to be played with and taken for walks, or our horse that
needs not only food and care but encouragement from a friendly touch
and word. Our family and friends, both rich and poor, provide lots of
opportunities to be thoughtful. A thoughtful person might be described
as
courteous, kind, accomodating or considerate. His thoughtfulness is
shown in a kind word, or by knowing when not to speak, or by his
manner, his attention, what he says, or what he does.
The
Kindness of Courtesy
British people sometimes think that what we do doesn't matter, as long
as our hearts are right. So we sometimes miss the opportunity to do a
kindness or courtesy. We adopt a congenial but distant manner that's
really aloof, and can therefore be painful and a little unkind. We also
neglect routine gestures of courteous greetings. It's good to see
Germans or Danish errand boys tip their hats to each other, or
schoolboys, or porters and washerwomen, without any sense of
awkwardness. But in England, we've gotten into a bad national habit.
This might be one area where both rich and poor can meet. Both share an
unconscious struggle for social status, so both should be able to
afford to be forthright, considerate, gracious and couteous to anyone
in their path.
Singlemindedness
Singlemindedness is a specific kind of thoughtfulness. A person can
only be kind and thoughtful when their attention is focused on the
person they're being kind to, and there's no watching for a
response. All kinds of things have been written and said about kind
actions like getting slippers and footstools, or giving flowers, etc.
There's even one method of encouraging children
pg 101
to perform acts of thoughtfulness by keeping count of how many
considerate things they do in a day. But that ruins it. The very
essence of an act of kindness is that it should be done and then
forgotten. It goes without saying that we shouldn't mention an act of
kindness that we did to the person or to anyone else. But even more
important, let's not keep score by thinking, 'I did a thoughtful thing
for such-and-such, and now look at the way he rewards me for it!' And
we can't think that we can cancel out a kindness done for us by
reciprocating and doing a favor. Worst of all is to expect that, if we
do something for a person, they owe us some great favor, and then act
put out and ungracious if our kindness isn't paid back or even
recognized. How can we escape these pitfalls of thoughtfulness? By
being single-minded so that we don't even know that we're doing
anything unusually kind. It isn't just the poor who are meant when
Jesus said, 'Don't let your right hand know what your left hand is
doing.'
Everyone has kind intentions.
'People are so precious to humans! Even the poorest person
Longs for some moments in his miserable life
When he can know and feel like he's truly been
Himself by being a giver and dealer
Of some small blessing, and been kind to someone
Who needed kindness.'
--from Wordsworth
Thoughtfulness
in Interpretation
The greatest, sweetest and most generous kind of thoughtfulness is
possibly the one we never think about. I'm taking about kindness in how
we construe another person's meaning. We can always take someone else's
words, actions and motives in one of two ways. Human nature is so
contradictory that both ways may be equally accurate. The difference is
in the way we interpret
pg 102
the other person's thoughts. We can give them the benefit of doubt and
think generously of their thoughts. For instance, an awkward action or
comment might just be clumsiness rather than lack of kindness. If
we give the benefit of the doubt, we'll probably be right, which is
only fair to the person. What if we're wrong? Assuming the best of
intentions will have a two-fold effect. It will be more effective than
any criticism at convicting him of unkindness. It will also stir up the
good feelings within himself that we already credited him with. Of all
the causes for unhappiness, the most upsetting is the habit of thinking
the worst of the people we live with. Even good people fall into that
habit. One bad result of this kind of thinking, especially with young
people who are influenced by what their peers think of them, is that
they think they'll get laughed at if they act on a kind impulse. So
they don't act when they feel an impulse to do something thoughtful.
Thoughtfulness that's single-minded in its focus doesn't worry about
those things. It doesn't second guess and assume everyone thinks
they're silly if they act on a kind impulse. It's not always easy to
'be ye kind,' but--
'All worldly pleasures amount to less
Than the joy of doing one kindness.'
--from Herbert
pg 103
Chapter
6 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Magnanimity
Everyone
Has Gracious Impulses
At first glance, it seems like gracious magnanimity doesn't exist in a
lot
of people. We only notice it in the most noble souls. But we are
deceived. All of England was delirious with joy because a siege in the
little South African town of Mafeking ended. People forget their own
concerns, plans, worries, annoyances, even their hunger, cold and
physical needs when they're seemingly warmed and fed by a public joy,
or, in other cases, softened and saddened by a public sorrow. That's
because all people are stirred by what's called a generous impulse. It's a feeling of
magnanimity that allows them to live outside of their own lives, even
if it's only for a moment. One time I heard a magnanimous lecture about
a great poet given to a crowd of thousands of people from different
walks of
life. The comments people made on their way out were interesting. One
man said, with a choke in his voice, 'You know, that man had us in the
palm of his hand. He could lead us on any crusade he wanted!' He was
right. And that's how all noble, world-changing movements have started,
such as the Crusades, or the anti-slavery war in America. A thought
pg 104
was spoken that awakened a magnanimous impulse that's common to all
humans. It's natural for magnanimity to bring forth, and to give, at
the cost of suffering and deprivation, whether it's a little or a lot.
It's not magnanimous to give what we don't want and what we'll never
miss. That's merely good natured. It can't even be called kindness
unless it came from a real thought about the needs of someone else.
Abounding
Trust and Faith in Others
Magnanimity at its best, and with a certain flavor added, is called
Enthusiasm. We'll discuss enthusiasm later. It may help in our
understanding
of this virtue if we clarify that it's often more accurately called
magnanimity when it refers to the nobleness of the mind, and it's
called generosity when it refers to a largeness of heart. A
generous-hearted person has gracious, warm thoughts about life and the
people around him. He could never bitterly condemn entire groups of
people because of their race, language, politics, social class or
religion. He has no patience for the base smart aleck who tells jokes
that make fun of a whole class of people [such as lawyer jokes?] He has
no
patience for the kind of experienced 'wisdom' that's so suspicious that
it expects to be defrauded or cheated by everyone. In the end, a
magnanimous person finds
that he's the one with the wisdom of the world. Because he's able to be
fair and generous, he's able to live his whole life with no hard
lessons
learned from the sin and cheating of others. At the same time, if he
only has five dollars, he spends it freely, with no anxiety about what
he'll do when it's gone. It's his trust and faith in others, rather
than how much he has to share, that distinguishes a generous,
magnanimous person.
pg 105
Generosity
is Costly, but It Has Its Own Reward
In the same way, when it comes to his friends and neighbors, he doesn't
keep track to make sure that everyone gives him what he thinks he has
coming to him of their time, kindness, or service. He allows them to
decide for themselves what they'll do. And most people respond well to
that kind of trust. Don't confuse this with the careless kind of
thinking that allows anything. That is often a lack of self-respect
that causes people to crave popularity. A magnanimous person will have
all different kinds of people as friends. He has something interesting
to say to various levels of intellect, and can find something in common
with almost anyone. He's interested in lots of different things. and
he's open-minded. No matter what he gets interested in, he's
enthusiastic and ready to give it his all.
Generosity is costly because it's always giving, whether it's from the
heart or from the wallet. Yet it pays great reward. After all, the
Bible says, 'Give, and it shall be given unto you in good measure,
pressed down, shaken together, and running over, shall men give into
your bosom.' It's a blessing to be a magnanimous person, too. A
generous person doesn't let minor problems, worries or annoyances get
to him. He goes around in a state of calm. There are so many important
things to be concerned about that he doesn't have time for the petty
ones. And he has a lot of important concerns in mind, since whatever
concerns others concerns him, too. But, since his concerns are warm and
glowing concerns of the heart, they are distributed appropriately. He
divides his cares between his intimates and the rest of the world. His
heart is touched by both, but he reserves his deepest care for those
closest to him. He doesn't pretend to love other countries as much as
he loves his own, and he doesn't try to make himself feel the same
affection for the kids down the street as he feels for his own children.
pg 106
False
Ideas that Restrain Generosity
I've been talking about how a generous person acts, but really,
generosity isn't limited to just a few magnanimous-disposed people.
Generosity is alive in each of us, ready to help us live a life full of
warmth and openness. But certain false assumptions and petty tendencies
can keep generosity confined in the prison of our hearts, unless some
chance fortunate comment or situation inspires us to let him loose.
When this happens to an entire community at the same time, people
become alarmed and wonder if the whole world has lost its mind. But
what's happened is that we've suddenly burst out into freedom of life
and loosed the shackles that we're used to.
'Every person should take care of his own business' is a false notion
that comes to people with a strong sense of duty, and the realization
that they're limited in how much they can help outside of their own
family. This kind of person shuts out the great, wide world's problems,
and becomes obsessed with the petty problems and details of his own
private world. It's true that we should take care of ourselves. If we
don't, then we become unworthy and a drain to our society's resources
by abdicating our duty and burdening someone else with it. The secret
is to focus fully on our own business when that's what we're supposed
to be doing, whether it's an outside job or our own daily schedule. But
when our work is done, we should consider it wasteful to pay even a
moment's notice to that work. That time should rightfully be spent
considering the concerns of the world outside of ourselves. Whatever
our job is in life, even if it's the tedious drudgery of maintaining a
family, we'll do it better if we discipline ourselves and focus our
attention on the right thing at the right time. That will make us a
better, more open and broad-minded person. And, let's face it, the
fuller a person we are, the more effective we'll be at getting our work
done.
'Every man for himself, and heaven helps those who help themselves' is
another false notion that imprisons our mind in a narrow cell.
pg 107
It isn't every man for himself. It's wise to get out of ourselves and
involve ourselves in the wide current of human life in all of its
conditions and types of people. That's what we should be focusing on.
Another false notion that's usually unspoken but worse than the others
is the secret belief that everybody else is worse than we are and is
therefore unworthy of our help. It seems shocking to see it put into
words, but how else can we explain why we think that one person is out
to cheat us, and another wants to offend us, while we ourselves have no
intention of doing such things to them? Why do we expect to be slighted
or deceived when we know we'd never do that to someone else? It's more
generous to have some faith in others, to trust freely, and expect the
best of contractors, people who serve us, our friends and neighbors,
people we work for, and those who work for us.
'Be noble! Then, the nobility that lies
Dormant in others, asleep but not dead,
Will rise up heroically to meet your own!'
--from Lowell
pg 108
Chapter
7 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Gratitude
The
Pleasure of a Grateful Heart
Gratitude ought to help us live more joyfully and happily than any
other Lord of the Heart. It's so good and cheering to be grateful! The
joy doesn't come from the favor or kindness that was bestowed on us out
of goodwill and love. The joy is that something beautiful has sprung up
from the beautiful heart of someone else for us. Our joy in that other
person's character gives us more delight than any pleasure we might
derive from mere favors. But, too often, we miss this joy. We're too
absorbed in our own selves to be aware of a kindness. Or we're so
pleased with ourselves that we assume that any kindness is only what we
deserve and have coming to us. Young people tend to accept the
abundant, overflowing kindnesses of their parents as routine and
common. So they miss the double joy they could have if they recognized
the love in a hug, or a nice comment, or a special look, or something
specially arranged for them. Parents often do so many little things
above and beyond their obligation as dutiful parents. Kindness is like
a flower that blooms when you aren't even looking for it. Being on the
alert to notice these 'flowers' of kindness can add
pg 109
to the joy we experience in our relationships with other people. It can
add to our comfort and happiness in being taken care of. Let's say you
go to the little corner market, and the clerk, who knows you by now,
adds a little gift to your bag of groceries. Perhaps it's a nice look
of recognition, or a cheerful greeting, or maybe a question that shows
he's interested in you and your family. It might be nothing more than a
friendly smile, but you have a pleasant bond of human relations with
him because he was kind to you. There are two possible responses to
this. One response is to imagine that you're so important that it's
natural for clerks and people to show you special attention. Or, you
might walk away with a lighter heart that's grateful, and takes away
more than it came in with.
A
Grateful Heart Gives a Full Return
Life would be dull and lack the flowers of kindness if we didn't get
more than we could ever pay for with money, or repay with favors. But a
grateful heart pays a good dividend because it gets paid with rejoicing
in the gift and the giver.
There are times when formal thanks are appropriate, but that's not the
only way to show gratefulness. A glance, a smile, or a heartfelt word
of appreciation and recognition will fill the other person and give
them something back for their kindness that brought us so much
pleasure. But we shouldn't bother giving thanks if it isn't simple and
sincere. It should be simple in the way that we focus on the other
person's kindness instead of ourselves. And it should be sincere in
saying only what we feel and no more, or sincere enough not to belabor
the point by pretending to love a gift that isn't of value to us.
Instead, we should focus on the other person.
pg 110
The
Shame of Ingratitude
There's an old story about a city who decided that ingratitude was the
worst of all crimes. They were practical people, so they set up a bell
in an open but remote place so that anyone who experienced ingratitude
could ring it. As time went on, the bell became forgotten. Maybe the
people were extra careful not to commit this offense. But one day, the
bell rang! The whole city rushed out to see who was ringing the bell,
and who the ungrateful accused person was. As it turned out, a donkey
had been
grazing and got his foot caught in the bell rope. As he tried to move
to nibble on what little grass was in the area, the bell pealed. At
first, everyone laughed. But then they noticed the condition of the
donkey. He was almost too weak to stand. The people asked each other,
'Whose donkey is this?' They asked around until they found the owner.
The owner confessed that he had owned the donkey for many years, and
the donkey had served him well. But then he got too weak to be useful,
so he had turned the poor donkey out to make out as best he could on
his own. The citizens decided that the donkey had been justified in
ringing the bell, and they made the abusive owner pay the fine and keep
his donkey. Using other people and making them serve us is ungrateful.
A grateful person has a good memory and an observant eye. He knows when
people who have helped him need his help in turn. He especially values
the people who were kind and helpful to him when he was a child. He
watches for an opportunity to repay their kindness.
Gratitude is ready to rejoice and give thanks for gifts he receives,
even if the gift came from someone who wasn't thinking especially of
him. In fact, the person who gave the gift may have died hundreds of
years
pg 111
earlier. He can be thankful for a delightful or helpful book, or a
great painting, or a beautiful day, or the face of a small child, or
pleasant work, or enjoyable places. As Jeremy Taylor said, he is quick
to 'notice the pleasure in whatever he's doing.' He's thankful for
whatever good comes his way. The pathetic person who thinks that
everything he gets is merely what he's entitled to, and that nobody can
ever give him more than he has a fair right to, is to be pitied. He
misses a lot of joy, and he causes himself a lot of pain and annoyance
as he goes through life. 'Yes, it's a happy and pleasant thing to be
thankful.'
pg 112
Chapter
8 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Courage
All
Of Us Have Courage
The word courage comes from the days when the elite spoke Norman
French, and nobles valued chivalry. The Normans believed that Courage
was something in the heart, and the word reflects that. Courage meant
the whole character of a man. If a man didn't have Courage, then he
didn't have any qualities of manhood. We don't talk about it as much
anymore, but Courage is still an important Lord in the House of the
Heart. Courage should live inside every Mansoul, even the most timid
ones.
The
Courage to Attack
Even a sheep will be brave enough to attack to save her lamb. A bird
will refuse to leave her eggs even when a monster (man) is near. One
time a blue tomtit laid its eggs in a mailbox. Of course, people went
to see it. It was curious and amazing the way the little bird hissed at
the giant intruders! A toddler is brave enough to protect his pets.
Many loving mothers have been courageous enough to sacrifice themselves
to horrible deaths to save their babies. All of us have enough courage
to face any danger, any enemy, any kind of death, if we'd only believe
it. But, like all the other Lords of our Life, Courage
pg 113
has his own demons. They are Fear, Cowardice, Panic, and Anxiety.
The
Courage to Endure
Fear and his friends Panic and Anxiety, are always watching for the
moments when Courage is lulled to sleep by security. When we see the
heroic deeds that all kinds of men are capable of in war, we can begin
to understand that Courage is universal. In England, only those who
want to join the army. But men who are drafted show just as much
courage. It's just as possible for every man to be gripped by Fear and
to act on Panic that comes from Fear. An entire company that was
considered as brave as anyone else has been known to turn and flee from
the enemy.
The
Courage of Calmness
Not many of us will ever face the challenge of a battlefield. Yet a
battlefield isn't as challenging as the thousands of battles we all
face every day in our lives, and we have to face them by ourselves
without the moral support of an army. It takes more Courage to face the
loss of a leg at home because of an accident or sports injury. And the
kind of Courage it takes to face pain and disappointment with calm
endurance is something we all need. Everyone needs strength sometimes,
even if it's only in the dentist's chair! It's good to have confidence
and know that we have all the Courage we'll ever need to face whatever
may come our way - not because we're bolder than most people, but
because everyone is born with Courage, the Lord and Captain of the
Heart. Once we know that we have Courage, we need to be sure our
Courage doesn't fall asleep and betray us so that we panic in an
accident or when we see a wasp or a mouse. It's
pg 114
improper and inappropriate for anyone, no matter how young, to lose the
presence of mind when they're hurt or in danger. When we panic and lose
our heads, we lose the opportunity to be useful to others, and we
become a burden and make a spectacle of ourselves. Anxious fussing in
minor stresses, such as when traveling or during a small household
crisis, or pressure at work, is a form of panic. It's the fear that
things may not go well, or that something might be forgotten and not
get done. Instead of worrying, we should get a grip and remind
ourselves, 'It doesn't really matter. Any undue concern about things is
unworthy of us.' The only thing that really matters is people. The best
thing we can do is to be sure that one person keeps a cool head in a
crisis. Then we'll be sure that one person, at least, will be ready to
help.
The
Courage To Deal With Our Circumstances
The kind of fear that tends to agonize and worry and be disturbed when
circumstances are the least bit stressful, will darken into real
anxiety when we face some success we've always wanted, or some danger
that we've always feared. People get more sympathy for being anxious
because anxiety causes real suffering, and the cause for the anxiety is
often real. Yet we do ourselves an injustice when we indulge in
anxiety. We're all born with the strength of Courage to a greater or
lesser degree. This Courage should allow us to focus on the here and
now without worrying about what the future might bring. Even the most
timid of us can focus on the here and now if we keep our minds occupied
doing what needs to be done now.
That's how mothers and wives can spend months nursing their dearest
loved one with a cheerful smile. If you ask them how they do it,
they'll say that they don't dare look ahead to the future. They live
from hour to hour. By focusing on the here and now, they're able to
bring happiness and even cheerfulness to the sickroom, even though
pg 115
a sad end is the inevitable end they'll have to face. If this kind of
Courage is possible even in the face of grief to come, then surely it's
possible to be brave about facing lesser matters, such as a coming term
exam, or something we'll be losing soon, or an upcoming stressful
situation, or even the worst distress of all - when someone we love
disappoints us by deciding not to follow Christ. Jesus commanded us,
'Don't let your heart be anxious.' The command assumes that we have the
ability to be obedient. That's why warnings are given to those who are
'fearful and unbelieving.'
The
Courage to Stick to our Opinions
The Courage to Attack, The Courage to Endure, the Courage of Calmness,
and The Courage to Deal With Our Circumstances are all important. But
there are some minor forms of Courage that are just as much a part of a
courageous heart. One of these is the Courage to stick to our opinions.
I'm not talking about the latest buzzword that we casually adopt as our
own, those things that 'everybody says' and that we imagine will
startle our less-informed friends. I'm talking about those few opinions
based on knowledge that we can truly call our own.
It's a good idea to examine ourselves and figure out what our opinions
about popular issues really are. If we truly think it through, we might
discover that we don't really have a strong opinion one way or the
other. If
that's the case, let's not be quick to agree with the first thing we
hear. Instead, we should think, ask questions, read about it, consider
both sides. Then we'll be prepared with a gentle, clear, well-grounded
opinion when someone makes a comment like, 'I think it's a bad idea to
send missionaries,' or 'People tend to choose the religion that's most
suited to their personality type,' or 'it's a waste of time to be
concerned about people as a group. Only the elite minds, or the
creative souls who produce art are worth caring about,' and so on. Too
often we have to let people's remarks go unchallenged
pg 116
because we assume they've been carefully though out. But it's
surprising how a single word of simple conviction will silence people
who express the most outrageous opinions. It's our duty to have this
kind of conviction.
The
Courage to be Open
The Courage to be open and sincere can be charming. It's appropriate to
have some discretion. A person who blabs everything about his affairs
with no regard for what should remain private is a bore. On the other
hand, a person who is too cautious, suspicious and reserved has a
fearful and unbelieving heart. That's not characteristic of a noble
heart. How do we know what we should share and what we should keep
private? Examining our motive is our best guide. If we keep something
to ourselves because we don't want to bore our friends with petty
trivialities, that's fine. But if we hold back because we don't trust
them to care, or to be fair, or to be kind, or to understand, then we
lack Courage.
The
Correct to Correct
There are lots of kinds of Courage that different people can have, but
we're only going to mention a couple more. The Courage to Correct needs
to be used with delicacy and gentleness. You can't have a genuine
friendship between two equals without this kind of Courage. The fair,
gentle corrections that young friends give each other are probably more
convicting and effective for them than the more common reproofs that
older people give each other.
The
Courage to Confess
The Courage to Confess openly and directly to the appropriate person
when we've done something wrong or left something undone in the routine
of our day is very strengthening. But the habit of confessing all of
our feelings and
pg 117
thoughts isn't always Courage. When we confess, it's safer to stick to
things we've done or things we've neglected to do.
The
Courage of Confidence
The Courage of Confidence assures us that we're capable and able to do
whatever task comes our way. We won't listen to the gutless fear that
reminds us of our past failures or our inadequacies. The Courage of
Intellectual Confidence enables us to take on the challenge of mind
work with a sense that we have what it takes to succeed. Many failures
are caused by intellectual panic. It's to blame for the times when we
don't try to
understand the line of reasoning of an argument, or when we don't try
to follow an
experiment, and it's a major reason why so many people don't speak
foreign languages. Intellectual panic is also the reason why we tend to
adopt popular opinions. We're afraid we don't have what it takes to
think through an opinion for ourselves that's worth keeping, and worth
sharing with others.
The
Courage to Seize Opportunity
Shakespeare wrote in Julius Caesar,
'There is a tide in the affairs of
men,
Which, taken at the flood, leads on
to fortune.'
The Courage to seize the opportunity when it presents itself is related
to the Courage of Confidence. It's not the same as the haphazard spirit
of recklessness that goes looking for ways to take risks. The
difference is that Courage is ready to take on what comes its way, but
foolhardiness seeks ways to take a gamble. Courage waits for guidance:
'Noble-minded people yield, they believe
That circumstances are like sacred oracles
Speaking God's will to faithful souls.'
(from Charlotte Mason's poem, Moses:
A Study)
pg 118
Chapter
9 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Loyalty
Loyalty
of Youth
Loyalty is what marks a person of character, yet it isn't a mark.
Loyalty isn't something we can put on or stamp on ourselves, it's
something that we're born with. At different periods in time, and at
different periods of life, any one of the Lords of the Heart has
control of
Mansoul. During the Age of Chivalry, it was Loyalty who ruled. Our
young years ought to be devoted to Loyalty and Chivalry. But this
doesn't seem to be a very loyal time that we live in. We seem to think
that our priority in life is to think for ourselves and serve ourselves
for our own pleasure. We seem to think that the world is here to please
and serve our desires, instead of thinking that we're here to serve and
care for the world. We're more interested in ruling than serving. At
least, that's how we think in our lowest moments. Loyalty, whose duty
is to serve, reminds us that we don't belong to ourselves. We're
fulfilled only when we serve out of loyalty.
Our
Loyalties are Already Determined For Us
We're quick to profess shallow loyalty to a poet, actor, soldier or
priest and offer our service. But we forget that, just like every other
part of our lives,
pg 119
it's not up to us to decide where to distribute our loyalties. They are
already determined for us. In some cases, they're part of our duties
and our choice is to be loyal or disloyal. In this respect, it's nice
to be in a country that has a king because royalty provides a visible
exercise in Loyalty. A king is loved and served out of loyalty to his
role as sovereign.
Loyalty
to Our King
One of the best lessons we get from history is in the examples of
loyalty
and service. One of those lessons is the unlimited honor and reverence
given to a king. People would devote their very lives, everything they
had to survive, their children, their allegiance, to the king's cause.
Sir Henry Lee in Scott's Woodstock
is a great example of Loyalty. As we read, it becomes evident that
Lee's fine character and life shouldn't be wasted on such an unworthy
king. But we need to remember that the knight benefited more from his
loyalty than the king did, because it's 'more blessed to give than to
receive.' Our beloved Queen Victoria had all of our loyalty because she
was so loyal herself. Her loyalty was to her people. She understood
that and she served them, and her act of loyalty raised our level of
living.
The
Loyalty We Owe to Our Own People
After our king, it's our country who we're loyal to. Understand that we
owe goodwill to the whole world, but we owe our loyalty to our own
people. No matter how much we admire or like a foreign king, or a
foreign country, our loyalty belongs to our own country, not to them.
It's disloyal to make unfavorable comparisons that put down our own
country and prefer some other country. We may prefer their laws,
government, customs, or weather, but we still owe our first loyalty to
our own country.
Public
Opinion is Responsible for Anarchy
We people from the older generation are saddened, shocked and
pg 120
humbled as we hear of so many kings and presidents assassinated by
people who call themselves anarchists. It shames us because this kind
of crime has no parallel in history, and it's caused because public
opinion hasn't been taught to value Loyalty. We keep hearing about more
and more of these kinds of crimes, and it hits home because we all help
to form public opinion. Every country has people who don't have the
right idea about our duties to one another and that wrong idea
leads them to assassination. But they get those wrong ideas from public
opinion. We've been told that we shouldn't let people hear us say bad
things about our leaders. If we do, then people who hear us might turn
against those leaders and kill them. Kings everywhere will live in fear
of being murdered. We're all bound to one another all around the world
and we influence people even in other countries. That's a very serious
thought. It should make us happy to know that, by being loyal to our
country's leader, we're helping the whole world.
Loyalty
to Our Country
I suspect that people lose a bit of their moral integrity when they
choose to become exiles from their own country. Every tie we have when
we're born is a part of us that becomes a necessary part of who we are.
Patriotism, or loyalty to our country, is a worthy passion. Revolutions
happen when the country's leader has such bad character that upright
people can't be loyal to both him and
their country. Unfair laws, unnecessary taxes, and the oppression of
the poor make men's hearts sad for their country. Loyalty to country
demands honor, service, and personal devotion.
pg 121
Giving the proper loyalty to country takes an intelligent understanding
of the country's history, law and institutions. It requires knowledge
of the country's great leaders and people, the weaknesses and strengths
of the country. It's not the same thing as the ignorant or rude
attitude of an English or Chinese person who thinks that being born an
Englishman or a Chinese makes him better than people born in other
countries, or that his country and his government are always right and
everyone else's is always wrong. But even worse, and even more
dangerous, is the vile spirit of people who think that their country
and government is always at fault, and always worse than other
countries, and praises other countries just so he can make his country
look bad.
The
Service of Loyalty
These days, serving our country may mean merely taking an active
interest
in the issues that concern the government, and informing ourselves
about the social problems that our thinkers are discussing. Even if we
aren't called on to serve the country directly, such as by being
elected to the Senate, we should still give our time, effort and
resources to help our local government. This kind of service is more
nobly in force now than ever. And we rise to the occasion when our
country needs our personal devotion. Things that have happened recently
seem to prove that every citizen of Great Britain is prepared to lay
down his life for his country.
Loyalty
to a Chief
Perhaps the one kind of Loyalty we don't have as much of as they had in
the Middle Ages is the kind of loyalty that every person
pg 122
owes to a chief. Sir Walter Scott gives a perfect example of this in
his character from The
Fair Maid of Perth, Torquil of the Oak. He was the Highland foster
father who sacrificed his life and the lives of his nine strapping sons
to protect the honor of a young chief who he knew was a coward. The
entire incident is written about with sympathy, but without melodrama,
and therefore provides one of the most intense situations in
literature. But this kind of Loyalty still exists today. Most military
junior officers in the army or the navy won't allow themselves to
criticize their commanding officer's character or actions. And the
soldiers still live as if 'It's not for them to give reply, it's not
for them to question why, their job is to do and die.' And, if they do
die because 'someone has made a blunder,' then they have the
consolation that one supreme moment of unquestioning Loyalty to their
king, their country and their commanding officer is probably worth
fifty years of routine mundane life that doesn't feel like real living
at all. At least, that's true if the purpose of life is to teach us how
to fully live. There's a story about some elegant young diplomats
serving as private secretaries to various important leaders. One felt
that he was better than the rest and he grumbled when his boss rang the
bell to summon him. Another had learned the secret of 'dignified
obedience and proud submission.' He said that, even if his boss asked
him to clean his shoes, he would do it. And there are plenty of
examples of splendid Loyalty to heads of households, political parties,
causes, schools, or whatever. They are everywhere.
Loyalty
to Personal Ties
Most people are loyal to personal ties, relatives, friends, those we
take care of. Everyone knows that, whether these ties are something
we're born into, such as family, or something we choose, such as
friendships, or something we're obligated to for lesser reasons, such
as employers, we must be loyal.
pg 123
We know that it's not proper to tolerate unfair criticism about a
friend's character or actions, not even in the privacy of our own
thoughts. If our friend needs to be corrected, we need to discuss it
with him privately and not mention it to anyone else. Our time, our
company, our sympathy and our service are as available as we can afford
whenever our friend needs them. We know that our friend is entitled to
the best of us - our deepest thoughts, our highest dreams, as far as
we're able to discuss them. We're glad to admit it in the case of our
favorite friends. But when it comes to the people who are our friends
by default because they happen to be within our circle, we're sometimes
hesitant to give our best, and we tend to share only our shallow,
routine thoughts. And we tend to talk down to people under us who
we take care of and who aren't as educated as we are. But that's a
mistake. We owe the best we have in varying degrees to all of our
relationships, whether default, chosen, or casual. It's those
relationships that make our lives sweet.
A
Mind That's Constant
Being steadfast is the essence of all Loyalties. One sixty year old man
said that he'd always had his boots made from the same bootmaker ever
since he was first wearing boots. That's the kind of Loyalty we need to
have for all those we owe Loyalty to. We miss out on a lot of the grace
of life by running here and there to find what's most beneficial and
convenient for us in friends, acquaintances, religions, craftsmen,
clerks, preachers and prophets. Maybe we'd get more of what's best if
we stuck to what we have instead of constantly looking around for a new
place to buy everything we need. Loyalty is made up of the strength,
grace and dignity of a constant mind.
Someone might object and say that some people are impossible
pg 124
and unbearable. They'll say that a waiter is lazy, that a shopkeeper is
dishonest, a friend is unworthy, a relative is aggravating, and not
worthy of Loyalty.
But some people that we haven't sought out are going to be permanent
fixtures in our life. What can't be changed should be maintained with
Loyalty. Sometimes it might be best to break ties with someone like a
boss or someone we take care of if it's impossible to give them our
Loyalty anymore. But the split from them should be done simply and with
dignity. We shouldn't indulge in gossiping about their failures and
grumbling about the way we were treated by them. We need to realize
that being Loyal means that we can't allow ourselves to hang onto
grudges about minor personal offenses. Many lives are ruined on the
rock of resentment. Failing to be loyal by holding grudges hurts us
more than it hurts the person we resent.
Being
Thorough
The same principles of Loyalty to people apply to Loyalty in our job or
any cause we commit ourselves to. Wholehearted, thorough effort is
part of this kind of Loyalty. That means that there will be times when
we're seen as unfriendly because we don't throw ourselves into every
new cause that comes our way. We can only do what we're able to.
Loyalty to the projects we've committed to means that we'll often have
to turn down new projects.
Loyalty
to Our Principles
We owe a high standard of Loyalty to our principles. We start out by
being loyal to the principles we're brought up believing. But as we
mature and develop character, we come to have convictions that become a
part of who we are. If we're mature, it won't be popular buzzwords that
we get
from the newspapers or TV or common talk that make up our principles.
We'll have convictions that are really ours because we've worked them
out with thoughtful effort, and maybe even painful feelings. Only a
person who is true to these kinds of convictions is really true to
himself.
pg 125
But Loyalty is expected even of people who aren't true to themselves.
Perhaps the first of these principles is religion. I'm not talking
about our faith in God, that's something different. I'm talking about
the form of religion in which we express our faith [denomination]. It's a safe rule to
not entertain forms and ideas outside of our own religion because we
might risk not being able to hold to any kind of religious convictions
at all. Instead, we become eager for anything new and we start to crave
the excitement of anything different.
The habit of unworthy, petty criticism of church workers or the
religious services we're used to will usually result in a habit of
unstable religious convictions. Loyalty won't let us take part in petty
gossip about our church. It also won't let us run here and there,
church-hopping, looking for more exciting services.
Loyalty's
Enemies
The demons that work to destroy Loyalty are probably Self-interest,
Self-conceit, and Self-importance. Self-interest urges us to look for
what's best for ourselves no matter what Loyalties we have to break.
Self-conceit keeps us so resentful of trivial offenses that Loyalty is
out of the question. Self-importance can't take second place to give
priority to anything else, whether small or great, related to our
country, our church, or our family. These are the enemies all around
us. But Loyalty is within us. It's strong and steadfast. All it needs
to make its enemies flee is for us to recognize where our Loyalties lie.
pg 126
Chapter
10 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Humility
Pride
of Life
The Apostle John lists three things that make men stumble. They are the
lust of the flesh that makes people want to satisfy the desires of
their human nature, the lust of the eye that causes people to make the
delight of beauty their first priority, and the pride of life. The
pride of life is probably the worst one because it's so deceitful.
People who are raised to understand the principles of self-control and
who have been trained to restrain themselves are on guard against the
lusts of the flesh. The lust of the eye isn't a fascinating draw for
too many people. But who can see pride of life coming? Pride is
powerful and can take many forms. Yet Pride is merely the demon-servant
to
another power that's even stronger than he is.
We're
All Born with Humility
We all have humility when we're born. Humility is a gracious and
beautiful Lord of the Heart, and strong enough to subdue its enemies.
That's why Jesus told the Jews that they couldn't enter the Kingdom of
Heaven, where humble souls live, unless they humbled themselves and
became like little children. We think that little children
pg 127
are innocent and gullible rather than humble. But we can only
understand the kind of humility that Jesus was talking about when we
examine the humility of children. We only have two examples of humility
in the Bible to use as role models: Jesus, because the Bible tells us
that He 'humbled Himself,' and little children because Jesus called
them humble. An old writer who has thought a lot about this said that,
in the same way that there's only one kind of sanctification and one
redemption, there is only one kind of humility.
Humility
is Often Devalued
No Lord of the Heart is as belittled in our thoughts as humility. We
sometimes call cowardice Humility. We say things like, 'I can't handle
any kind of pain, I'm just not as strong as you are,' or 'I can't take
on this project or that job because I don't have the ability that other
people have,' or 'I'm not very smart, it's useless for me to try to
take up reading,' or 'I'm not a good enough person to teach Sunday
School class,' or 'to be interested in spiritual growth.' And sometimes
we call hypocrisy Humility. We might say, 'I wish I was as talented as
you,' or 'as good,' or 'as smart,' while secretly taking pride in
ourselves because our lack of ability somehow seems to make us special.
The person who is most vocal about how humble he is often privately
comforting himself with compensations we don't know anything about.
And, in his own mind, those compensations make him more special than
anyone else.
It's this sort of thing that makes Humility unpopular. People believe
that these people are being sincere, but they've deceived even
themselves. Everyone agrees that Humility is a Christian trait, but
it's a trait that isn't esteemed very highly, and is very rarely asked
for. This mistake in perception leaves a door open for pride to walk in
pg 128
and take over. In our disdain for humility, we prefer to be proud.
We're
openly proud of some advantage we've inherited, or we're proud of our
prejudices, proud of a temper that rages or holds grudges, proud that
we're so easy-going, proud that we're idle or careless or reckless.
Even a murderer takes pride in his skill in avoiding suspicion, or
killing his victim. 'I'm so glad I've always kept to myself,' said one
small London servant who didn't believe in being neighborly. There's
hardly any fault or inadequacy or crime that somebody hasn't considered
a distinction to be proud of. We can't do much of anything simply. I
mean, it isn't easy to do something without being conscious that it's
us doing it, and then being proud of ourselves for it.
Humility
is the Same as Simplicity
Many people who are reasonable in most respects arrive at the beginning
stage of self-worship by constantly thinking of themselves. Their
dealings, their dog, their pictures, their opinions, their high
calling, their good works, their information, their religious
convictions fills their whole mind. And that's not because of the
things themselves, but only because it theirs. This pride of life is
subtle and so oppressive. It constantly pressures us to exalt
ourselves. It ruins our relationships with our friends and makes us
hard to get along with because it gives us a tendency to be resentful
and demanding. When we recognize it for a moment, we can only cry, 'Oh,
what a wretched person I am! Who can save me?' But we don't need to
despair, not even when it comes to our hateful pride. He's only an
invader and a highjacker. The Lord of the Heart that he's trying to
displace is Humility. A true understanding of humility will be as good
a weapon as the stone in David's sling against
pg 129
the giant Goliath. Thinking badly of ourselves isn't Humility. If we
honestly think badly of ourselves, that's cowardice. Maybe Humility is
the same as simplicity, which doesn't let us think of ourselves at all,
whether badly or pleasingly. That's what makes children so humble. The
thought of self never occurs to them. When the thought does occur to
them, they become un-childlike and become self-conscious. In the
wonderful first lesson we have about the garden of Eden, the Fall
happened when Adam and Eve became aware of themselves. And that's how
we all fall - we become aware of ourselves
It's good to be humble. Humble people are cheerful and good. They don't
go around with a monkey on their back, or looking like they have a dark
cloud furrowing their eyebrows. We're all born humble. Humility is
within all of us, just waiting for pride to be quiet so that he can
speak and people can hear him. What do we have to do to get rid of
pride and give control back to Humility?
How
Humility Works
First of all, we can't try to
be humble. That's insincere. It's a bad kind of pride. We wouldn't want
to become like Uriah Heap [in David
Copperfield]. That's what happens when we try to be humble. The trick is to
not think of ourselves at all. If we think about how inadequate we are,
then we're pretending to be like Uriah Heap. There are lots of ways to
avoid thinking of ourselves. We can learn about and love birds,
flowers, clouds, rocks, and everything else that nature can teach us.
Thinking about pictures, books, people, anything outside of us, will
help us to escape from the tyrant named Pride who's attacking our
heart. One good idea is not to write about, 'you and I.' There are so
many interesting things in the world, that it's a waste of time to talk
about ourselves. Still,
pg 130
it's a good idea to have some familiarity with the way our tiresome
selves can be. That's why these chapters were written. It's also a good
idea to know that Humility, even though he never thinks of himself, is
at home within each of us.
'If what is great in God's eyes
Is what considers itself small,
Then by that rule Humility
Is the greatest grace of all.
It's truly great, but yet it doesn't
Know it's a grace at all.'
- loosely taken from a poem by
Trench
pg 131
Chapter
11 - Love's Lords In Waiting: Cheerfulness
'It's a proper thing to be cheerful.'
'A cheerful heart goes all day long.'
There's
Enough Cheerfulness in the World for Everyone
In Yorkshire, when their bread doesn't rise and is dense and heavy,
they say the bread is 'sad.' It's the same with us. When we're heavy,
we're like a 'sad' loaf of bread. we don't rise to greet the sunshine,
or to hear the voices of our friends, or to check out interesting
sights, or to acknowledge kindness or love or any good thing. When we
do rise to these things so that a ray of sunshine creeping in the
window brings a smile to our hearts, or we enjoy a bird's song, or a
splash of sunlight dappling the dark trunk of a tree, or the light of a
child's face - it makes us glad. We don't think of Carlyle as a happy
person, but he used to say that nobody who could see a spring day or
the face of a child needed to be unhappy. In fact, there's enough joy
in the world for all of us. More accurately, there's a fountain of
cheerfulness in everybody's heart just waiting to be uncorked.
Sometimes adults say that they envy little children when they hear such
joy bubbling out of their hearts in laughter in the same way that it
bubbles from the
pg 132
birds when they sing. But it's not too late, it's just a choked up
spring. All it needs is for the rubbish to be cleared away, and joy
will bubble up from the weary heart as freely as a child's.
Joy
Can Flow Even in Sorrow and Pain
You might wonder how people can be glad when they have to endure
sadness, worry, need, or pain. But these aren't the things that stop up
our joy. A sad, worried wife of a dying husband, or the mother of a
dying child, will often cheer the patient with funny jokes and pranks
so that they're surrounded with hearty cheerfulness. It isn't that the
wife or mother is pretending to be happy for the sake of the patient.
You can't fake gladness. No one is fooled by forced smiles. What
happens is that love teaches the wife or mother to uncork the fountain
of joy in her own heart for the sake of her beloved, and from her heart
come happy words, little jokes, smiles and cheerfulness. Those things
are better for sick people than any medicine. Even when we're in pain,
it's still possible to be cheerful. We've all been touched by cheerful
comments from lips of someone who was suffering. I'll bet that Margaret
Roper couldn't help smiling through her tears at the funny quips her
father, Sir Thomas More, was making on his way to the scaffold to be
hanged. We're often mistaken about joy. We think it's like ice cream or
chocolate - wonderful to enjoy when it's there, but not something we
should expect every day. But the Apostle Paul said, 'Rejoice always.'
That means, 'Be glad all the time.' We laugh from time to time, we
smile now and then, but the fountain of joy within us should always be
bubbling. It will if we don't hinder it.
Cheerfulness
is Contagious
Before we think about the demons of gladness, let's get one thing
clear. We can't be glad all alone, and we
pg 133
can't be sad and heavy all by ourselves. Our gladness cheers up the
people around us in the same way that our gloom depresses them.
A mother in London once wrote to me about how she took her little blond
two-year-old daughter out for her first walk. The little girl smiled at
the policeman and it brought a smile to his face, she blew a kiss to
the ladies in the laundromat and it cheered them, she smiled at the
garbage man and went along as if she was a little queen dispensing
smiles and happiness. An even better story is told by a religious woman
in a big city. She went outside preoccupied and depressed with routine
worries and resentful grievances about her neighbors. A small child
sitting on the sidewalk looked up at her and smiled. In the warmth of
that child's joy, she went happily on with the rest of her day. There's
nothing as contagious as cheerfulness, and it's good for all of us to
remember that our joy is like a treasure that we own that can meet the
needs of those around us. But it's a treasure that we give without even
missing it, and without being any poorer for giving it away.
Joy
is a Continual Fountain
Each of us has a fountain of joy within himself. It's not an
intermittent fountain, but a spring that never stops flowing. There's
more than enough for every moment of the longest lifetime, with some to
spare. The spring doesn't have to be stopped by sorrow, pain or
poverty. In fact, these obstructions often make it flow even brighter
and more powerfully. This bright joy isn't our own private property for
our personal benefit. It's meant to enrich the people we pass on our
errands, the family members we live with, those we work with and have
fun with. Why, then, do some people go around with a dark cloud hanging
over their head, and depressed worry
pg 134
on their brow? Why are some people dragging, pale, dull and weary? How
is it that some children can go to a fun party, or a picnic, or a
hayride or whatever, and look sullen during all the fun and frolic? How
can some youths be taken on a visit here, or travels there, yet the
most breathtaking scenic views are obscured in their memories by a dark
cloud because they found no joy in them? Why do middle-aged people
sometimes go around with sad, unsmiling faces? Why do some people find
their old age filled with trials and no joys?
The truth is, sadness or gladness has little to do with our
circumstances. We would do well to listen to Marcus Aurelius: 'Don't
let your mind dwell on other people's worries. Pick out some of your
best circumstances and imagine how much you would wish for them if you
didn't have them.'
We're
Sad When We Feel Sorry for Ourselves
Of course, we should derive as much pleasure from our good
circumstances as we can. But don't think that good circumstances are
what make us happy. It's not our circumstances that choke our fountain
of joy, it's we ourselves who
do that. We lose our joy and feel sad when we indulge in feeling sorry
for ourselves. Perhaps someone stepped on our toe, or maybe someone
said the wrong thing to us, or somehow offended our sense of our own
importance. And that's when the demon of self-pity digs in his trash
pile and finds all kinds of reasons, real and imagined, to bring to our
mind and choke the flow of our fountain of gladness. Some people feel
sorry for themselves at various moments. Some indulge self-pity for
days at a time. And some miserable people spend their entire lives
nursing a grudge against the bad luck that life has dealt them, or they
harbor resentment against their friends.
pg 135
Gladness
is a Duty
We only need to focus on this for a minute before we realize how wrong
and tragic it is not to be joyful. We need to tell ourselves, 'I can,
because I must!' Help comes to those who try, and who ask for help. We
may have to remind ourselves many times a day, but every time we chase
away dark thoughts, it will become easier to be joyful and happy.
Cheerfulness is the outward, visible manifestation of joy. You can't
have a crabby face and snappish words if your heart is bubbling with
gladness. The inward, spiritual manifestation of joy is contentment.
You can't be dissatisfied with the little details of your life if your
heart is glad. 'Rejoice always, I'll say it again, rejoice!'
Paraphrased by L. N. Laurio
Please direct any comments or questions to me by emailing me at cmseries-owner at yahoogroups dot com.
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